Metal chick dating
She will talk crap about Alissa White-Glutz as the new Arch Enemy vocalist and claim how bands such as Whitechapel and Thy Art is Murder are destroying the metal genre.
But don’t leave the ridicule to national bands, you two will find shitty locals on Facebook and laugh at their awful recordings and their sad attempts at gaining a fanbase.
This can be ascertained by flicking her with a finger. Remember, Metal chicks dig guys who stalk them while staring at their tits! Double points if you say it while making "devil-horn" gestures and doing a tongue-wag.
Having a mullet will get you in the sack with the girls in a heartbeat. If she likes Slayer and Iced Earth, give up, because by the time you learn to play your instruments that fast, she will be an old lesbian with boobs so saggy that she can tuck them into her support hosiery.
She buys makeup to do herself up in corpsepaint, and you think that’s sexy.
Take her into American Apparel, and laugh at all of the cut-up Slayer shirts on display.
Soo..decided that curvy girl with the 38ish-inch hips and the 30ish-inch waist, the perky boobs, the big hair and the round eyes who wears an inverted pentagram necklace (silver with red or black) and who has VERY LOUD MUSIC coming from her headphones is hot, have you? However, if you think that this article is how to attract Iron Maiden, you're a bit off-course. For a good basic grounding in Metal, listen to everything by Black Sabbath, Iron Maiden, Metallica, Pantera and Megadeth. If she likes Candlemass and Black Sabbath, on the other hand, you're in luck, because those guys play about as fast as a zombie in a tank of molasses in the middle of a blizzard. If you're feeling lucky, you might even substitute "smokin' bitches with bangin' tits" for "hot chicks".
The way to do that is to be female, and if you want to attract metal chicks you usually either aren't female, or you aren't the kind of female who would be interested in Iron Maiden ...seeing as how they're all male... However, she will hate you for the rest of eternity. If you want some fashion advice as well, watch This Is Spinal Tap. To do this, follow her every day and notice the band names on her T-shirts. If she likes Poison, give up because that bitch is a lesbian who hasn't realised it yet. You'll still probably suck, but you should at least be able keep up with 'em! Try saying, "Hey, my band gives free tickets to all hot chicks. If you say it with just the right mixture of cockiness and misogyny, she will respect your Metalness.
She will want to show off her new Mortician shirt that she cut up herself, and how she didn’t get drawn in to those overpriced shirt-cutting Etsy accounts.When you’re with your metal chick girlfriend, take her to the mall.Walk her into Sephora, since that’s the only store she would want to go into.But don’t tell her she isn’t as good as Corpsegrinder, because the truth of the matter is you’re also not as good as Corpsegrinder.Hell, no one is as good or better vocalist than Corpsegrinder.
Make sure she is the only person in the room, apart from the band and their girlfriends. Pro tip: if all the band's girlfriends are hotter than she is, it will lower her self-esteem. Be honest." If she says "yes", you evidently haven't followed steps three and four carefully enough.